Tuesday, December 7, 2010


How is it possible, to be on a road full of cars, but feel as if you are out there all alone?  
How is it that you can be surrounded by others, and still feel as if you are the only one standing there?
I've had my fair share of trials. I'm not going to sit here and list them, or attempt to profess that anything I have gone through must make me much more knowledgeable and capable then anyone else.  Because in reality, it doesn't.  In the end, when you strip experience away, we are all left with the same basic shell.  I often wonder why that commonality isn't enough to unite us all - to give us a feeling of togetherness.  Why does my worth as a person, as a friend, have to be determined by the battle scars and trophies that sit on the shelves of my soul?

I can't tell you how many times I feel like I am on the outside of this great big wall with no door to get in.  Like there is some secret password that hasn't been whispered into my ear yet. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, I don't have an expectation to be made a part of everything that's going on, and because I have an inborn need to hermit every so often, I don't require it.  But sometimes, sometimes it hurts.  And sometimes, even when we tell ourselves it's ok that we are on the outside, our heart aches to know what it must feel like to be on the other side.  To know what it feels like to have kids who don't have special needs, or a family that didn't have problems.  To, just for a minute, feel whatever it is we think everyone else does.  But then I consider, maybe everyone else feels just like me.  Even Jesus.  I wonder how many times he wept in private.  I think about how even though He had a direct link to God, how sometimes He felt really lonely, and frustrated at that which He couldn't control. How He was surrounded by people who adored Him, yet abandoned Him.  This life we live, the feelings we have, we aren't really as different as we think we are.  Yet we still occasionally find ourselves on a road, surrounded by others, but somehow, alone.

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