Tuesday, February 1, 2011


Have you ever really thought about how incredible an icicle is?  It starts as one drop of water and over time, if given the proper environment,  has the potential to grow and become something so amazing.  We usually aren't lucky enough to catch the moment that the icicle begins to form, but once it's here, it's hard to miss.

My husband and I have two children who are biologically ours.  Both were difficult pregnancies and after all was said and done my body just wasn't the right place to create life anymore.  This was a hard reality for me, because I believed in my heart that I was supposed to have another child.  I dealt with the grief over time, and things became clear again when my husband and I decided that we should be foster parents.  We had no plans to adopt.  We wanted to be a resource, to take care of children until their parents could get healthy enough to be parents.  We have had three foster children come through our home.  And we did our best to love and care for each one.  What we learned though, is that when you think you know what the plan is, that's when everything changes.

I have no idea what I was doing five years ago today.  It wasn't even a blip on my radar.  To me it was like any other ordinary (albeit typically chaotic) day.  I was completely oblivious to what was going on in another part of my county.  Yet, that single event would forever change my life.  Because today is the day my youngest child was born.

A lot of people don't understand how anyone could love a person that injures a child, that purposely injects themselves with drugs knowing that they are doing the same to the child they are carrying.  A lot of people don't understand how forgiveness could be granted to someone who, by putting themselves in danger also puts their child in danger.  But forgiveness and love came when I looked into the eyes of a 6 week old baby girl and realized that she was allowed to live.  Now some may believe that her birth mother should have done away with her like she had with the other pregnancies, and some focus on the heavy plate the little one carries, but I see something so much bigger ahead of her.  I see a little drop of water, that was allowed to form into something so beautiful.  And although there are cracks and bubbles, when the light shines the reflection is amazing.

Five years ago today I didn't see the starting of the icicle.  But five years ago today, there was a drop of water that was allowed to grow.  And for that, I am thankful.     


Vickie said...

Amanda, that was beautiful. Your heart for Alyssa is so touching. That little girl is abundantly blessed to have you as her mommy.

~B. said...

*sniffsniff* This was so touching. Thanks for writing it.