Chicken Nuggets

This is when I start to miss shopping at the bulk food store. This bag of nuggets would not meet the needs of just one meal.

Cracking Eggs

A Christmas Tree

A Doctor's Office

 

Baby Head

Have you ever thought about how when a baby passes gas it's cute but when an adult does it, it's no longer cute?  There are lots of things kids can get away with that adults can't.  Sometimes it would be nice to just go back to being a kid.  I see my own kids growing up so fast, and while it's fun and exciting to see them learn new things and to watch them turn into such amazing people, I wish for their sake, that sometimes I could freeze time.  And some days I wish I could rewind time. 

Verses

God is cool.  I mean, really, really, really cool.  My aunt brought my youngest a Bible.  And tonight, after dealing with particularity difficult behaviors, I walked into my daughters room and found the Bible opened up to Psalm 86 through Psalm 89.  Psalm 86 had distinct 4yr old finger crinkles in them.  If you feel inclined, take a look at 86 and 88.  I read through all 4 of the chapters tonight with my mom, aunt and stepdad.  With 86 (at my Aunt's wise request) I substituted Alyssa's name for all of the "me" references.  And then I cried my way through 88, because I think it was meant for me to read.  So yeah... God is cool :)

Hand

There are a lot of misconceptions about me.  One in particular I really want to set straight.  I am thin.  I know this, my mom knows it, my husband knows it, my doctors know it, and for sure the Lord knows it.  Anyone who has sight knows it.  But being thin doesn't automatically equate to an eating disorder.  For the record, I eat.  I eat well.  And if you know me, you know how much I love food.  Here are two things I do not like: starving, and puking.

I've often wondered why it's ok for people to tell me I need to eat more, or explain to me just how thin I am.  Growing up I had complete strangers walk up to me and tell me if I came to their house they would fatten me right up.  What they were in fact saying was that they didn't think my mom was doing a good enough job.  Kids in middle school called me horrible names.  The comments and teasing I got about my weight growing up really messed with my self image.  And I carry much of it with me to this day.

Unfortunately because of a current medical issue, I have lost a significant amount of weight in the last few weeks.  So, I look skinnier then I usually do.  But don't fret, I am on it.

I guess my whole point in blogging about my weight is that I felt the need to try and quash some of the concerns, and just put it out there that what you say means something to others.  Don't assume that because someone isn't overweight that comments about their weight don't matter - because I promise you, they do.

How did what others say about you when you were young impact how you see yourself today?

A Haircut

*photo may have been altered...

Pop quiz.  What should you assume is happening when you realize your highly impulsive child is quiet?

1. She is playing nicely in her room with her dolls and toys.  She probably has also cleaned her room and made her bed.  For an extra treat she washed and folded her own laundry.
2. She is writing a proposal for how she can end world hunger and has even begun listing the steps that need to be taken to push the agenda.
3. She has taken a break from drawing her surprise mural on the wall and is now hidden under her brothers bed with the scissors he took without permission and is giving herself a mullet.

Clearly, because this is my house, it was the third option.  As you can see from the picture my youngest decided to give herself a bang trim.  When I asked her why she did it, she said she wanted to make her hair look like it did when we were in the mountains.  For those who have no idea what that means, shes referring to a very memorable family trip we took up to a water park in the Poconos a few years back.  What is important to understand about this trip is that it's one she talks about often.  It may not mean much to anyone that she talks about it, or remembers it, but it's actually quite significant.  It was the first time in her life that she didn't have to go visit people she was afraid of.  She was allowed, just for a short time, during a very traumatic time in her life, to be a part of just our family.  And to this day she brings it up... and wants so badly to hold onto the memory that she found it important to try and replicate the hairdo.  Was I mad about the hair?  At first, yeah.  I then did my best to hide a laugh, and then I tried to figure out how best I could fix it... and then, I just let it go.  Because you know what?  It'll grow out eventually.  And in the meantime, it's a reminder to me that locked inside that little brain is a scared little girl who just wants to hold onto our family.

Do you have any memories that mean so much to you that you wish you could go back to that time, to that place?

Reading

It's almost midnight and about 20 minutes ago I realized I hadn't yet taken a picture today, or even thought about posting a blog.  I've been wrapped up in a few personal things.  In trying to figure out what picture I should post I went through a few ideas... I was going to post a youtube video or an old picture and add some words as to why I can justify it not being a picture from today.  But then I figured if I did that then it was sort of negating the whole point of the 365 idea.  So now we are left with the above shot.  I feel like I need to point out that my lips are not that thin.  I was actually biting on my lip.  When I took the picture I wanted to specifically capture what I've been doing over the last few days... which is reading.  I have had to do some fact finding and learning about two specific topics which are taking some concentration (which is hard to come by these days).  And, evidently, this is how I look when I am reading intently.  So... there...  Now go read something of importance, other then this blog, and take a picture of yourself.

A Girl Eating, and a Cat in a Lampshade

I understand that I was remiss in posting yesterday... but in all fairness all but one or two of you didn't even notice or care.  And I did happen to take the first picture yesterday and had every intention of blogging.  So today, I make up with it with another two for one.

I love to eat.  I love food.  I love being served food I didn't have to cook.  Clearly, my middle child does too.  Have you ever taken the time to think about your relationship with food?  Have you thought about how your early influences affected what you eat today?  It's intriguing to think about what I have grown to love over the years that I swore I would never touch, and what things I used to eat that I will never again, and which things I have never had a taste for.

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This isn't the first time I have caught an image of my cat with her head up under the lampshade.  I don't know why she does it.  It's not cold in the house, but she finds herself drawn to the lightbulb.  I'm pretty sure I smelled some burning fur a little bit ago.  I used to think that me and my cat were the only people in the house that didn't have issues.  I'm starting to wonder...

Mac and Cheese

It's funny how sometimes something as simple as mac and cheese can be what helps build a relationship, and make one feel safe and loved.

Sometimes you can't be there how you want to be.  But you can be there how you need to be.

A Child and a Shelf

Another Two for One Day....

 It's so hard to see your child hurting.  To not be able to help fix the hurts.  As a parent it's our job to keep our kids away from danger, to protect them from anything that could cause them to feel anything other then love and security.  Here is the thing though... we can't.

This last year has taught me a lot of things.  But the number one thing I have realized is this: God knows.  That may sound cliche to some, but  it's what gets me through the day. The hard part is understanding that God knows, but accepting that it doesn't mean things will change.  Patience is a big part of it.  God will make good out of bad.  But it will be in His time, and I've yet to be disappointed in the results of His timing.

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There is a shelf in my youngest daughters room that holds momentos from her adoption, and pictures that reference important moments in time.  Every so often I stop to look, and remember how hard fought the battle to keep, and save her was.  There are amazing things in store for her, I have no doubt.


 

Snow

Snowflakes are kisses from heaven.  ~Author Unknown

A Heart

“God sends children to enlarge our hearts, and to make us unselfish and full of kindly sympathies and affections.” -Mary Howitt


I've typed up atleast 5 different blogs tonight.  I've erased each one.  I keep restarting thinking that maybe if I use a different word, or focus on a different aspect that it will make more sense, that maybe others will better understand what it is I am trying to say.  But I'm not sure there is any perfect string of words and letters that can adequately state what it means to love a child.  And amazingly, however deep the emotions go, my heavenly Father loves infinitely more.  And for that I am eternally grateful, and in that lies my hope.

3 Wicks

 

"It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."  ~Eleanor Roosevelt